May 17, 2013 by currbell
Six loads of laundry. Waiting.
And while I sit here, Stuck. Again. nursing one and feeding the others some puffy something out of a a bag and thinking of how the kitchen also is a wreck, and how we need to be sitting at the table eating in two hours to make it to church on time and the meat isn’t even thawed yet, which is a big problems since I don’t even own a microwave, which is because of me, and I still have another load of laundry to bring in off the line, it starts to rain. Rain, on the last load of laundry. And I feel it start to build, that little feeling that usually ends is screaming or tears. Because the fact is motherhood is hard. I remember a friend telling me that some days you just have to sit against the laundry room door and tell the kids to go away while you cry and eat year old halloween candy.
“Christian motherhood means dedicating your entire life in service of others. It means standing beside your husband, following him, and investing in the lives of children whom you hope will both survive you and surpass you. It means forgoing present satisfaction for eternal rewards. It means investing in the lives of others who may never fully appreciate your sacrifice or comprehend the depth of your love. And it means doing all these things, not because you will receive the praise of man — for you will not — but because God made you to be a woman and a mother, and there is great contentment in that biblical calling.” Doug Phillips
And as I sit here, I find I am really standing. Standing at the crossroads. I can choose this day who I will serve. Myself or God? Will I grow bigger in this or smaller? I can choose to push all the mess aside, pick up my sword and set my mind to praise, because I do have so much to be thankful for.
Shifting my focus doesn’t make the room suddenly clean or the difficulty of dying to myself disappear. But sometimes if I can just crop the picture a little differently it does make it easier to do the very same work. It makes it easier to praise.
We all get to choose, we can look at the picture and see weeds, or we can give thanks for the lovely child who is holding them. But knowing all this and doing it well are two very different things. And so I praise God for Grace when those tears start to fall, and I take comfort in the Fact, because by now I know, I KNOW it is a Fact, that every round I go with this ancient enemy, and with myself, I get just a little stronger, as long as I go down swinging. Because the Fact is This is one of the biggest blessings of motherhood, the most real opportunity to become more Christ-like that I have ever lived in.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
This is what the Lord says:
“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.”
“Let the high praises of God be in their throats
and two-edged swords in their hands”
“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”
“He must increase, but I must decrease.”
Jeremiah 6:16, Psalm 149:6, Romans 8:5 & 6, John 3:30