November 9, 2012 by currbell
I used to think that parenting was all about the children, providing, discipling, mentoring, loving. And those things are certainly there. But I didn’t realize until the blessing of children enveloped my life, how much of it is about God working in my life. I say now that parenting is a refining fire. Nothing in my life has brought my sins and shortcomings into clearer focus than parenting. When I hear myself repeated to myself in two year old form I’m embarrassed. I see the screaming fit on the floor because some small insignificant goal isn’t reached, when I would have love to have helped if I was just asked…and there I am. She thinks it’s okay to do that, despite with I say, because I do that. When I see my own reflection in their eyes clenched and bent in anger, I know; I know I MUST change. But I’ve found I can’t just walk away and say, “So, that was bad, and I never never want to do that again.” Because that won’t get me off the merry-go-round. Like the man cleansed of a demon, yes I must empty the bad, but I can’t stay empty. Something will come in.
“A nail is driven out by another nail. Habit is overcome by habit.” Erasmus
I love to read, and for decades I wished that I wanted to read my Bible as much as I wanted to read other books that gripped me and sucked me in, and left me turning pages in the dark of night. God has answered that prayer now. I long to run to Him to be with Him every morning, to walk with Him every day. And in seeking Him I have found I need to be filled up with many things the word, joy, praise, and service (thinking more of others than myself). While we were building this home I had wild lovely dreams of how peaceful life would be here in this house built for me by the hands of the man I love, how we would work together, and pray together, of knitting in the evening in front of the fire (let’s be clear I had no dreams of The Man knitting *smile*) and those things are a part of my life. But in my dreams there were never sinks full of dirty dishes, and floors that hadn’t been mopped in…well honestly I’m not sure how long, months, and Seasons of discipline, or hormone swings that leave my head spinning. Amidst this life of entropy I get focused on myself and what I want, and how hard it all is. I busily feed my passions and the flames of sin leap. “Count it all joy, my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds…” This is it. This is where I leave the door cracked and Satan quickly slips in, and before we know it the whole family is in a melt down that started with me. This is where I have choices to make, and find new nails to pound out the old. This is where I can choose to make the joy of the Lord my strength, in the little moments of all day long. I can praise God that we have food to eat, when the dishes are dirty, and that I have a home when the floors are crusty…and on and on. “and when they had called in the apostles, they beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonour for the name.” Acts 5:40&41
Praise to God, immortal praise, For the love that crowns our days.
Bounteous Source of every joy, Let Thy praise our tongues employ.
Anna L. Barbauld 1772