December 28, 2009 by currbell
I love the beginning of a new year, that fresh slate, the anticipation of new growth. It’s the perfect time to sit down and take a look at who you have been and who you wish to be. Almost every year since adolescences I have made New Year’s resolutions (and cajoled/forced my little sister to do the same when we were little). But this year I’m afraid of try and make any specific goals. I do hope to hold onto my habit of daily reading, and to deepen my prayer relationship, but most of my thoughts center on the challenge of motherhood right now. Do you realize that a reasonable guess puts the babies arrival in six to nine weeks!!? This is by far the most exciting and terrifying adventure I have ever embarked on. I believe God has given us the family to teach us, to help us prepare for heaven. If that’s true I think one large part is a new understanding of the depth of love God has for us, and another large part of motherhood is about death to self. I’m in awe of both things. How do you prepare for such a calling, despite all the books one can manage to read, preparations made, and piles of baby gear? Frankly if I think about it too much it scares me to death. I’ve decided to do the best I can, pray a lot, try to take just one day at a time, and try not to have too many expectations. I feel sure that despite the lack of New Year’s resolutions, 2010 will challenge and change me more than any of the past years. Despite my fears, I know that these babies are a blessing from God, and I know can trust him to provide what I need to be a good mother. God help me to remember it in my moments of fear!